Collin stood in front of the bathroom mirror, shirtless, staring himself down. He was gaunt, the bulk and muscle that had once filled out his tall frame now nothing more than a distant memory. He wouldn't be throwing himself into a rugby scrum any time soon, that was for sure. And as much as he had watched his body steadily deteriorate over the past few weeks, the horror of just how ravaged his body had become dug at Collin's eye sockets as if trying to rip out his eye balls. His ribs jutted out from his sides like the hand and foot holds of a climber's and his collar bones stuck out like the handle bars of a child's bicycle. Sores had opened up all over his chest as well as on his abdomen, his back and his arms. He was in constant, agonizing pain but had adamantly refused to take anything for it (a brief addiction and a long fight back from it had made sure of that) and so Collin trudged through it, teeth grit, breath heavy, as best as he could. But as much pain as Collin was in, he knew that it was nothing compared to the agony that Helena was going through. Her..."sickness", as they had decided to call it was a lot further along than his was. It was obvious to both of them that Helena didn't have that much time left. And as far along as her symptoms had progressed, the only thing that Collin could really do was to make sure that he made her as comfortable as possible. And even that...
After rubbing down his skin, careful of the sores, with an ointment that was meant to help with the itching, the scabbing and what seemed like the liters of yellow pus, Collin filled a basin with about an inch or so of cold water, grabbed a clean wash cloth and headed back to the bedroom. Helena was propped up by a pillow and croaked a pallid "For a second I thought you got lost in there." , trying on a timid smile as Collin walked up and sat down on the edge of the bed beside her.
"I think I almost did." Collin said as he set the basin down between his slippered feet. Then dipping the wash cloth in the water, Collin let it soak for a moment then wrung it out.
Halfing the wash cloth Collin gently began with Helena's forehead, moved to her cheeks and then to her neck. A small sigh escaped from Helena's lips every time the cool cloth touched her fevered skin.
A grim smile kissed Collin's lips; at least it was helping, even if just a little bit.
When Collin reached the curve of Helena's breasts though, Helena stopped him.
"What?" he wondered, "What is it?"
Then, forcing a toothy grin,
"It's not like I haven't touched them before."
A flicker of a smile but then it was gone.
"I need to talk to you about something."
Collin frowned. Took the wash cloth and dipping it in the basin wrung it out again.
"Uh...OK. What about?"
Collin began on Helena's arm. Once again Helena stopped him.
"Put the wash cloth down Collin, we need to talk."
Dropping the wash cloth in the basin, Collin dried his hands on the thighs of his jeans then gingerly took Helena's. The frown was back.
"What's going on?"
Helena's breath came out slow...and gravelly. in...out...in...out...in...
"I'm dying Collin-"
"Dont' say that."
"We both know it's the truth-"
"You're going to get through this."
"We made this decision knowing how this was going to end Collin."
Silence. Sigh. Deep sigh. Fuck. She was right...they had.
"Look at me Collin,"
he did,
"Does it really look like I'm going to make it through this to you?"
Collin cupped Helena's face with one hand.
"You look beautiful to me."
Helena placed a hand on top of his. The ghost of a smile lingering on her lips.
"You're sweet...but you're lying..."
Again, silence.
"I need you to do something for me Collin. And it's going to be hard..."
Collin removed his hand,
"No,"
Stood up,
"No,"
Took a two step retreat from the bed while shaking his head,
"No. I'm not going to do that Helena. I won't."
Helena sighed.
"You need to."
"I love you."
"Which is why you need to."
Collin began to pace. Helena let him.
"What you're asking me to do-"
"We talked about this."
"I didn't think you were serious."
"I'm in pain Collin, I can't go on like this. Please."
Collin stopped pacing. His breath coming out as heavy and ragged as Helena's. His shoulders slumped.
"How?"
"With the pillow."
"It'll hurt."
"Not for long."
"Why not pills?"
"I want the pillow."
Collin sighed. Took a step towards the bed. Then another. Then another. Sat down on the edge. Took one of Helena's hands in both of his.
"I love you Helena...so much."
"I love you too baby. More than you could possibly know."
Leaning over her, Collin kissed Helena on the lips.
"Breathe into me." Helena whispered once Collin had broken the it.
Collin nodded.
Taking a deep breath, he blew into her mouth. Not stopping until he had completely emptied his lungs into hers.
Now her last breath would be his.
As Collin drew back Helena was nodding. She was ready. Tears in both their eyes, Helena's of blood, Collin's of salt and of water, Collin grabbed the pillow lying next to Helena's head.
Saying a silent goodbye, Collin then covered Helena's head with the pillow and using both his hands, held it down.
