Jason & Melissa went back and forth about it quite a number of times before finally deciding to get married on a Tuesday. Jason in front of his computer and Melissa in front of hers, just the way they wanted it. It was out of necessity rather than consensus, however, that the ceremony would take place during Jason's lunch hour seeing as it was impossible for him to get any time off of work. Then why not on a Saturday? You might be wondering. Like normal people? And even if you're not, it's really quite simple; the husband-and-wife-to-be first met on a Tuesday. The way a lot of couples meet these days, on Facebook.
It was the half an hour before lunch time and Jason was sitting at his desk clicking away at his computer shopping for girls with alluring profile pictures when he saw her. Jason is a huge fan of the Duckface and so when he saw Melissa's he was instantly intrigued. There is just something about the way a woman pushes her lips together in the combination of a pucker and a pout to make herself look like a duck that he finds irresistibly attractive. A click later and he was at her profile.
Melissa was currently unemployed, had studied Procurement at Makerere University Kampala, went to Taibah Highschool, lived in Kampala and was from Mbarara, Uganda. She had 867 photos, 1,144 friends and her most recent post was a a photo of celebrity couple Kat Kebab & Kobe South (or KatBe to the initiated) with their daughter Compass on the cover of Elan Magazine with the caption: May the Duke & Duchess of South Kebab reign forever and ever more. Amen!
A few leggy and busty photographs later and Jason was irrepressibly, irretrievably and irreversibly in love. He sent her a friend request immediately. Twenty minutes later and he was handed the Friend Request Accepted notification that he had been frenetically switching between Youtube, Twitter & Facebook tabs waiting for.
He knew there was something special about her from the first reply she sent to his, "Hi, my name is Jason & after checking out your profile I thought you and I could be good friends." message.
"You're not a bot are you?" was her reply. "You're not going to give me your Yahoo! email address and tell me to get in touch with you there because you're hardly on Facebook, are you? Because everybody knows that everybody uses Facebook, everyday, all the time."
That was the moment that Jason decided he was going to marry her.
It is now twelve weeks since Jason and Melissa first met. Jason's stomach is a constant whir of lap top fans and click-clacking keyboards. His suit is hanging in his closet in its carry bag ready to go.
After a bowel movement of prodigious proportions Jason runs a razor across his face, pours some water on his body and is on his way.
The morning is a busy but distracted one. Jason completes all of the work assigned to him but knows that he will probably have to go back and do it all over again.
soon it is ten minutes to lunch time. Grabbing his suit Jason goes to the bathroom and reappears several minutes later fully suited up. Walking over to a colleague desk Jason holds out his phone.
"Yo, help me and take a picture of me in front of that wall over there."
Jason's colleague Fred looks him over.
"What for?"
Jason shrugs.
"Photoshop."
Fred's face folds into disbelief.
"But you guy, another one? What happened to the last one?"
Another shrug.
"She was just too much."
Fred begins to chuckle to himself. "I've haha'd you."
"Leave me alone and just take the picture, alright?"
And so still chuckling to himself Fred does.
Taking back his phone from Fred without thanking him Jason heads back to his desk. It sucks that Melissa failed to get a wedding dress but she did promise that she would definitely figure something out. With a little work their wedding photo would be perfect.
Once again in front of his computer Jason goes to Virtual-I-Do.com. It's one of those online marriage sites where a person can marry a cat if they are so inclined. Not that Jason would ever tell Melissa this. She told him she wanted a life full of magic and so it is magic that Jason is going to give her.
After choosing the type of wedding he wants, 'Person to Person' as opposed to 'Person to Other' or 'Other to Other' Jason is sent to the 'Start Your Proposal' page where he puts in their details and writes a one lined proposal that goes like, "Come on, let's do this."
"Check your email." he tells Melissa in their omnipresent Facebook chat box.
"OK."
A few minutes pass.
"Done. Your turn."
Jason clicks on the link provided in his inbox and is brought to a page where he is asked to click "I DO" to continue and so he does.
Him and Melissa are promptly issued a digital marriage certificate that can be printed and framed if they really feel like it. Melissa might but Jason definitely won't, the side effects of being a repeat customer.
The marriage is by no means legally binding but then who needs legally binding when you have a love birthed from a pool of ones and zeroes and flirty messages?
Jason reopens Facebook chat.
"You seen it?"
"Yup. It's beautiful. We're married baby! :-0"
"Yes we are..." then after a slight pause, "Honey. Still celebrating tonight right?"
"Of course! What time should I come over?"
"Like seven. You still have the directions I gave you?"
"Yup."
"So later then?"
"You cant stay at chat some?"
"Got to get back to work."
"OK hubby. I'll talk you later then. I love you XOXO"
"XOXO"
Logging off Jason gets up to go and change. Gosh he hopes her photos didn't lie.
It was the half an hour before lunch time and Jason was sitting at his desk clicking away at his computer shopping for girls with alluring profile pictures when he saw her. Jason is a huge fan of the Duckface and so when he saw Melissa's he was instantly intrigued. There is just something about the way a woman pushes her lips together in the combination of a pucker and a pout to make herself look like a duck that he finds irresistibly attractive. A click later and he was at her profile.
Melissa was currently unemployed, had studied Procurement at Makerere University Kampala, went to Taibah Highschool, lived in Kampala and was from Mbarara, Uganda. She had 867 photos, 1,144 friends and her most recent post was a a photo of celebrity couple Kat Kebab & Kobe South (or KatBe to the initiated) with their daughter Compass on the cover of Elan Magazine with the caption: May the Duke & Duchess of South Kebab reign forever and ever more. Amen!
A few leggy and busty photographs later and Jason was irrepressibly, irretrievably and irreversibly in love. He sent her a friend request immediately. Twenty minutes later and he was handed the Friend Request Accepted notification that he had been frenetically switching between Youtube, Twitter & Facebook tabs waiting for.
He knew there was something special about her from the first reply she sent to his, "Hi, my name is Jason & after checking out your profile I thought you and I could be good friends." message.
"You're not a bot are you?" was her reply. "You're not going to give me your Yahoo! email address and tell me to get in touch with you there because you're hardly on Facebook, are you? Because everybody knows that everybody uses Facebook, everyday, all the time."
That was the moment that Jason decided he was going to marry her.
It is now twelve weeks since Jason and Melissa first met. Jason's stomach is a constant whir of lap top fans and click-clacking keyboards. His suit is hanging in his closet in its carry bag ready to go.
After a bowel movement of prodigious proportions Jason runs a razor across his face, pours some water on his body and is on his way.
The morning is a busy but distracted one. Jason completes all of the work assigned to him but knows that he will probably have to go back and do it all over again.
soon it is ten minutes to lunch time. Grabbing his suit Jason goes to the bathroom and reappears several minutes later fully suited up. Walking over to a colleague desk Jason holds out his phone.
"Yo, help me and take a picture of me in front of that wall over there."
Jason's colleague Fred looks him over.
"What for?"
Jason shrugs.
"Photoshop."
Fred's face folds into disbelief.
"But you guy, another one? What happened to the last one?"
Another shrug.
"She was just too much."
Fred begins to chuckle to himself. "I've haha'd you."
"Leave me alone and just take the picture, alright?"
And so still chuckling to himself Fred does.
Taking back his phone from Fred without thanking him Jason heads back to his desk. It sucks that Melissa failed to get a wedding dress but she did promise that she would definitely figure something out. With a little work their wedding photo would be perfect.
Once again in front of his computer Jason goes to Virtual-I-Do.com. It's one of those online marriage sites where a person can marry a cat if they are so inclined. Not that Jason would ever tell Melissa this. She told him she wanted a life full of magic and so it is magic that Jason is going to give her.
After choosing the type of wedding he wants, 'Person to Person' as opposed to 'Person to Other' or 'Other to Other' Jason is sent to the 'Start Your Proposal' page where he puts in their details and writes a one lined proposal that goes like, "Come on, let's do this."
"Check your email." he tells Melissa in their omnipresent Facebook chat box.
"OK."
A few minutes pass.
"Done. Your turn."
Jason clicks on the link provided in his inbox and is brought to a page where he is asked to click "I DO" to continue and so he does.
Him and Melissa are promptly issued a digital marriage certificate that can be printed and framed if they really feel like it. Melissa might but Jason definitely won't, the side effects of being a repeat customer.
The marriage is by no means legally binding but then who needs legally binding when you have a love birthed from a pool of ones and zeroes and flirty messages?
Jason reopens Facebook chat.
"You seen it?"
"Yup. It's beautiful. We're married baby! :-0"
"Yes we are..." then after a slight pause, "Honey. Still celebrating tonight right?"
"Of course! What time should I come over?"
"Like seven. You still have the directions I gave you?"
"Yup."
"So later then?"
"You cant stay at chat some?"
"Got to get back to work."
"OK hubby. I'll talk you later then. I love you XOXO"
"XOXO"
Logging off Jason gets up to go and change. Gosh he hopes her photos didn't lie.
