Digression is Like Making Fists With My Toes; A F**king Life Saver

The words I could not say

The words I should not to say

The words I need to say...

she's leaving on an airplane tomorrow. Although for many of you who will read this, tomorrow is already today.
I have to be honest, secretly, I don't want her to go. I've just gotten her back into my life. But even though, a part of me still wants her to go. To get as far from me as friggin possible. It'll make things easier. It will make things harder. It will open up a portal to worlds better left unexplored. That I would rather not explore. To worlds that I must explore.
“Let her go.” a friend of mine told me today. “See where things lie once she gets back.” not bad advice considering she'll only be gone for a month and some days.
What?!? Only?!? I can hear you say. Yes, only. Five weeks. Well, at least it would have been if she had left when she was supposed to. That being Sunday. But seeing as she's now leaving on Wednesday evening, its now five weeks minus three days. Like I said, a month and some days.
Gosh, listen to me, pining over her like some love sick puppy. Its a little embarrassing. After all this time, after everything that has happened, I still want her back. But then I guess we both know that. Have both known that. Not that its really that stretch of the imagination. Why else would I suddenly want to be a part of her life again. And her in mine? Guesses anyone? Apart from the obvious. Yup, thats what I thought. You cant think of a single thing, can you? That's okay. Its not your fault. Neither can I...

God, these mosquitoes are annoying. Who knew living so close to the lake would be such a friggin nuisance?
I watched Die Hard again last night. It must have been for like the umpteenth time. Remember the opening scene when the passenger sitting next to Bruce Willis on the plane told him that the best way to unwind after a flight was to take off your shoes, take off your socks, place your feet flat on the carpet and proceed to make fists with your toes? Well guess what I'm doing...
while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, drinking a glass of milk and typing with one hand...and I ask myself why I'm putting on weight. I must be close to ninety now. Dude, I need to lose some weight. These love handles I'm flossing just aint doing it for me. Methodology? Lemme see. Jogging? No. Biking? Nadda. Swimming? Hmmmm. I could try eating less. Gimme two weeks on a crash diet and I'll be back down to seventy-five easy. Then, it would be time to hit the gym and work my way up make to eighty-five. Gosh that sounds like too much work. You know what? How about I just lie and say i'm comfortable with the way I am now?
Nice digression, dont you think? From the topic that shall not be named for fear of reintroduction into this current post. Above not mentioned topic will have many posts dedicated to it in the following weeks, believe me.
Its getting to be that time. Time check: 1:33 am and my lil digression is beginning to wear off. One small thing and i'm thrown off kilter. Damn facebook. Damn it to hell. At least until the first grey streaks of morning and sanity returns. Listen to me biting myself. I really do need to call it a night. So until the first grey streaks of morning and sanity returns...
Holla.