Reason... Pt.2: There Will be Tears (Edited)

Reasons... Pt.2: There Will be Tears
by L.A. Lutara

I reached under my pillow for my phone. It took me a moment or two but after some feeling around I managed to latch onto it, pulling it out. Pressing the menu button, although I could have very well pressed any other, I lit up the phone's face, in turn partially illuminating my own. It was 3:59AM. I blinked, watched as the numbers blinked in reply and it became four. Letting my hand fall, it landed on the small patch of mattress next to me with a light pat. 45 minutes. I had managed 45 minutes, bringing my grand total for the past four nights to a whopping 3 ½ hours.

Sleep had been playing hide-and-go-seek with me you see. Slipping behind curtains, crawling under beds, climbing inside closets and piling under musty blankets. And every time I clamped onto her shoulder, or tugged at her foot or grabbed onto the tail of her blouse she always somehow managed to get away, as if evaporating into thin air. After four nights of this I simply stopped trying, staring zombie eyed like death warmed over at the ceiling as I waited out another night...night number five...

And you know what the funny thing was, for all of her unwanted attention, Sharon was completely oblivious to what was going on. Sure, she noticed how easily agitated I had become, which was quite a change seeing as I was usually the pretty cool headed one. But here's the thing about that, my perpetual agitation had nothing to do with my lack of sleep and everything to do with her. We had crossed the three month marker a week or so before and as if on cue, the magic of the honeymoon period was beginning to wear off.

All the little things that I used to find cute and if not that then at the very least tolerable were beginning to irritate the hell out of me. Like that little wink of hers that she clearly thought was seductive cum conspiratorial and that even at the very best of times I had found a little suspect now just made me want to smack her. And not in a kinky way either but in a; I-would-probably-break-her-nose-if-I-put-enough-weight-behind-it kind of way. But you can breathe easy mate, I only thought about that shit, never once acted upon it, Momma taught me much better than that. Even if I did think about it more than I probably should have.

And that's even before mentioning her constantly clutching, clingy, touchy-feely neediness. She always had to be touching me. Holding my hand, gripping my thigh, running a finger along the length of my neck...in the beginning it had been really charming, she was just really affectionate but now...now I slept on one side of the bed and she slept on the other. And it was a pretty big bed too. I could stretch my arm all the way out and still have a few inches to spare before touching skin.

Sharon's breath came calm and easy and evenly. She was facing me and the light of the security bulb right outside the window seeped through the curtain and cascaded down onto part of her face. She was smiling. A lips slightly parted, slightly turned up at the corners kind of smile. She was pretty when she smiled. She was pretty when she didn't. Her being pretty had never been a problem.

It must be quite the dream, I mused to myself. But everyone has to wake up sometime., continued my train of thought. All dreams must come to an end. Just like all good things and misplaced affections. And misplaced, I was beginning to realize is what my affections had been. All this time. Although to be honest “All this time” was really nothing more than three months. Three months and a few days if you really want to get technical. Surely not enough time to get to know someone. And now that I had, gotten to know that someone in question that is,. or at the very least just beginning to; I suddenly realized that I didn't even like her. Much less loved her.

My breath escaped from my lungs with a slight wheeze...

Fuck.

I suddenly felt cold.

Then what the hell did that leave me with? Leave us with...?

Once again I turned my eyes to the ceiling.

With getting out...

I sniffled. The room hadn't been swept or mopped in quite a few days and had become quite stuffy.

It'll kill her. You know that right?

Yeah, I know. How could I not know that?

Well, you can be pretty clueless at times.

Yes, I know that as well. But not right now. Not about this.

Hmmph. So when are you going to do the deed?

Scratch...scratch...scratch...

Tomorrow...I'll do it tomorrow.

Like tomorrow-tomorrow or like later today tomorrow?

Like later today tomorrow.

Then you better try and catch some zzzzz'z man. You're gonna need all the energy you can get. Because whether you like it or not...there will be tears...