Day- It Doesn’t Really Matter: The End of Common Sense…Lonely

She told me that she was lonely. That it had been something she hadn’t been willing to admit but had finally, painfully, come to terms with.
Her friends were no longer her friends, home was well…home and she felt like she no longer had anyone she could really talk to. To share stuff with.

I let that sink in.

She was lonely...it wasn’t just me.

I blinked. Licked my lips.

“So what if she’s lonely?” A part of me flared up (let’s call him Common Sense).

“What? Do you think that makes you two peas in a pod or something? Hardly. All it means, Lloyd, is that she feels lonely. Don’t read words you can’t see.”

I sighed. Away from the phone. Counted to three. Then counted to five.

“Maybe it’s just a phase.” She added a moment later.

I shrugged. She was trying to console herself. I couldn’t really blame her. God knew she was one step ahead of me.

I (sigh)…was still in denial…semi anyway. I was still telling myself that I was too busy to feel lonely. Even though it was a load of crock and I knew it. But whatever gets you through the night, right?

“I’m praying for you, you know.” It was the only thing not damning that I could think of to say.

But why did that sound so damn familiar? Oh yeah, it’s because she had told me the same thing a couple of months back when things had still been unbearably hard. When the ink had still been wet on the page.

“By the way,” I added “I pray a lot these days.”

For a while we talked about the mundane. Or rather, I talked and she listened. Which put me off a little bit. I had called to hear her voice. To listen to her talk. The sound of my own voice droning on and on and on got sort of boring after a little while and more than a little annoying.

But what could I do? I needed the connection. Craved for it and by George, I was going to hold on until I felt I was satiated.

Well, as it turns out, by the time we said our goodnights, I wasn’t. And I have the inkling that maybe I’ll never be. And that sort of scares me. For obvious reasons. The least of which being that she’s over 350km away and it wouldn’t do any good to get attached to having to hear the sound of her voice every day. Or every other day…or whatever…says Common Sense anyway. But who listens to Common Sense these days anyway? Certainly not me.

“So what are you saying?” Common Sense asks me. He has that tone he gets whenever he thinks I’m about to do something stupid.

“That you’re going to allow yourself to get attached?”

I pause before answering. I know the answer already but make as if I’m reasoning it out. Like common sense would want me to.

“As much as she’ll let me.” I admit a moment later.

“ well, good luck with that.” Common sense tells me. He seems disappointed in me. Ashamed even…I should know better.

“You know where to find me when you get tired of playing such foolishness…right between Peace of Mind and Self Preservation. Ciao.”

I watch him walk away. Right out the door.

“Well it’s just us.” I say, turning to my friends Hopeless Romantic, Hopelessly Hopeful and Hopeless Enough. (Once again, thank you Mr. Wentz)

“Let’s go get stupid.”





Listening to: Glass Ceiling- JC