T.E.X.T.H.E.R. (Alex It Isnt Working)

After our lil talk yesterday, after reviewing the current situation, after reviewing the current situation(s) in fact (we all seemed to be going through something) I decided to try and do it Alex's way. I told myself I wouldn't call, I wouldn't text, I wouldn't even speak her name...not until and only until she made the first move. Not until I knew what I was dealing with.
“she's fucking with my head.” I remember telling them. But the thing is, I was letting her. I had always let her fuck with it. It was a fucking vicious cycle of head fucking and I never got fucking tired of it...am I saying fucking too much? cos' I kinda feel as if I am. But no, you know what? I'm not going to go back and replace all those f-bombs with something a lil more...how should I say...appropriate. I should, I know I should; we do have kids on here after all. But fuck it. They shouldn't be reading this anyway. This is all assuming of course, that the intention of writing this is to post it on Facebook...but then to be quite honest, it kinda is.
A minor deviation, forgive me. What was I saying? Oh yeah, so I'm going to try things Alex's way. Though I know from past experience that the success rate of such a venture is usually um...lemme see...um...kinda like nil. In fact, Ive felt compelled to send her a text the entire day. A few more hours and I'll be home free at least...for another day.
One day at a time, they tell all addicts, just take it one day at a time. In my opinion that's some ol' bullshit. A day at a time? You have to be fucking kidding me! That shit is eating me up second by every fucking passing second and you're telling me to take it one day at a time.
“Then fine, just be all nonchalant like.”, I tell myself. Make it look like you're doing you're thing and you've just taken a moment out of your busy schedule to find out how she's doing. Not under any circumstances is she to know that she's been weighing down your brain for days. You did that before remember? and look where that got you.
Just say hi. Find out how she is. You don't have to ask her when you can hook up. She doesn't even have to know that you're even still in town. About to close that multi-milli-shilli deal that you've been looking to close.
Deep breath. I reach for my phone but a second later pull back my hand. Not so fast. Thats only inviting disaster. Pulling yourself back in. you know that. stay on the course you've taken. Convince this other girl (she's great btw) that she's the one that you want and not just some girl whose only significance is to help you get over your overcomplicated ex.
Convince yourself.
But I cant. She has that hold on me. Just like Alex's has a hold on him. Its fucked up aint it?
“Love's a bitch.” I tell myself. It really is. I would love to say that I no longer love her but that just wouldn't be the case. And that kills me.
Just one text... just one...thats it.