1:50 am
Two Iced mochas, three swallows of wine and four shots of tequila and there’s only one person I can think about. Which really sux cuz I thought that I was over her. Like really. But I see her once. All dolled up and I’m back to wanting to text her a fake mistake message so that she thinks that I’m texting someone else yet I’m really texting her just to make her think ive got other prospects and my finger juss slipped and I sent the message to her instead. Pretty pathetic right? I’m getting a lil tipsy here. This shit is pretty strong. This shit is pr and and…One person who’s rolling around my mind like a lost marble at the bottom of my rainbow painted chest of toys.
1:58 am
I want more wine but I don’t wanna finish it cuz the powers that be may start to ask questions. The tequila’s done. Did I have that before or after the wine///? I’m not quite sure. But I like the way that this feels. What was I talking about again…? Oh yeah, love. Or the lack there of. Or the loss of love. Ii cant wait for entourage season 8 to start. Its gonna be the last season. Its had apretty good run. 8 seasons aint nothing to laugh at. I remember saying as much to both Nathan and fifi. I kind of have a crush on her btw.fifi I mean. Don’t ask me how…oh god if youre reading this fifi juss know I’m not sober. I do however, mean everything that I’m saying. For the most part anyway.
2:03 am
I still love her. God, how is that even possible? Ive got Adele singing in my ear that she will always love me…how appropriate. It’s a pretty good album. 21 that is. Miriam refered to it as “another one of adele’s breakup albums”. Suitable, considering. Changing the song now…now playing: “I’m gonna find another you”- John Mayer. I’m starting to get drowsy. Do you think posting while drunk is a bad idea???? It should be. Wait, I was thinking that I asked whether posting while drunk was illegal. My bad. Maybe I should find a more up beat song to write to…
2:11 am
Now playing: Lil Freak- usher
More wine. Need more wine...
REPEAT
Gulu’s known for all the freaks it has. And I’m not talking about…
Juss re-read what I juss wrote…think I’ll take things in another direction…
Pro lover- Usher
I was trying to figure out the number of girls ive slept with and I’m all up in the double digits. Not proud of it but it is what it is. I’m starting to slow down. The words are getting harder to come by…this shit is rea;;y starting to take affect. Almost dozxing at the computr. I swear this song would sound so awesome if it was played on a big sound system. Ithas that 90’s feel to it. Its about to end…time to look for another…
2:26 am
Well look at that, its my favorite number…226
Was starting to feel like I was gonna puke so had to get some water in my system. Didn’t take a lot but juss enough to take that queasy feelin away. Well not entirely but juss enough. I feel like texting her. Like right now. I guess its engrained in me. Me not mentioning her name in anything I right. Its an old habit that has been with me since she became a subject of my lil musings…shes actually the one who insisted on it. I asked whether she minded if I wrote about her and she said she didn’t mind as long as I didn’t use her name. well that’s one promise ive managed to keep. The rest…not so much. I’m kind of an unreliable douche bag. If you want something done, DON’T count on me. You’ll juss get disappointed. Huh, I knew getting buzzed got you honest but like this? Like really? I guess it aint that bad though. I’m rambling aren’t i? at least that means the water did what it was supposed to do. Get me from sluggish, I’m gonna false asleep at me desk Lloyd, to typing a mile a minute of absoulute nonsense Lloyd.
Next song
Love song- adele…yet again. I don’t have that much music on this computer. The other ones in the shop and the ipod is shot to shit. It crashes even when I try to play that ipod quiz. 120 gb and its totally useless.
2:34 am
“…I will always love you…”
Fuck. Bitch. Cunt. Straddle. I slept with a prostitute and I liked it and I cant wait to do it again…only that particular one though. She was hot, gave me the girlfriend experience and was cheap as shit. Juss re read the last sentence; contemplating on deleting it (I’m so gonna regret this in the morning) but fuck it…I don’t wanna curse but I feel like my fingers aren’t even my own any more . I’m juss writing…typing…smiling…climbing…fighting…”its really over, u made ur stand, you got me crying, as well as you planned, but when this loneliness is thrugh, I’m gonna find another you…” john mayer. Playlist so don’t ask why I’m listening to the song again. Upbeat, upbeat, upbeat…
I need to piss…
2:41 am
I was half hoping my piss would be the color of the wine ive been drinkn. Red. Now that would be cool…
Searching for another song…
“Light up” drake
I wrote a rhyme to this song once upon a time. It actually wasn’t that bad. Think ive got it some where…juss hold on a sec…
“Uh, I got caught up in entrapment/ don't even know what happened/ thought I had her figured out/ I guess I had her backwards/ pretty little doo-wop/ who was weighed down by the sadness/ couldn't see a pharisee/ even with these glasses/ five foot five/ with a body that could light a fuse/ swagged to the nines/ showed out in the fliest shoes/ Monday to Friday/ she rocked the finest business suits/ one of a kind/ cos' she always kept it humble too/ who knew/ she would be something I would rap about/ like suicidal thoughts/ that I've been forced to grapple out/ or a paralyzing poison/ sending my senses packing south/ or a story for the boys/ who loved the life of whiling out/
uh, I know for sure I didn't/ proverbs always told me to be cautious of these women/ cos' she's in the choir/ don't mean that purity's a given/ and you know this flesh of ours/ is susceptible to sinning/ what?/ you're tired of hearing about my dirty linen?/ just give me sixty seconds/ I'll be finished in a minute/ it didn't take long for the hugging and the kissing/ to become a routine and soon I started slipping/ dipping/ in waters that I knew I really shouldn't/ lines were getting blurred/ but to her/ it didn't make a difference/ until she had suspicions and a reason to believe that/ that I could have got her pregnant and I was going to have her kid/ and at that very moment/ my life flashed before my eyes/ I can tell you homie/ it doesn't only happen when you die/ and something else happened/ she left me to decide/ and as the air that I breathe/ I wish I had declined.”
…Found it.
STILL think it aint that bad. Though it aint that good…playing the song again…
2:50 am
Ok, this getting kinda long…think I’m gonna call this a rap. Have no idea how people are gonna receive this. Guess the fact that I’m even thinking about that means I’m starting to sober up…*pursing of the lips* not necessarily a bad thing btw. Still don’t wanna sleep, still wanna text someone, still wanna make out with someone…stellas the easiestchoice of course but I don’t even think she knows I’m around. Eunice I’m sorry I pulled that dick move on you at GC. I should have come and said hi and not juss given u a fuckin ‘sup nod. You deserved so much more than that. I guess I juss thought that it would be awkward because of who I had with me…and oh there was also the issue of that heavy ass box I was carrying, but fuck that’s juss an excuse, the box thing I mean. Maybe I don’t need to apologize, maybe you don’t even care…
2:57 am
Britney is bi polar. I wish I had some sort of mental disease. Then I could blame all my nonsense on that shit. Fuck, mosquitoes are starting to chew on my ass. I really don’t know if I’m gonna be able to wake up for church in the morning. Saw howie at nakumatt tonight. Was hanging wih angella and eva. Nathan was there too, had juss come from his birthday hang thing…didn’t sound like he had much fun but there u go. On the other hand though, angie’s play was awesome. I loved it. I’m glad I went. Thanx eva for goin with me. And maclynn I’m sorry for not callin like I said I would. I’m an ass. A lil too much name droppin u think?
Tighten up- the black keys….
3:02 am
Dozing…typing with one hand…face is oily, need to wash it but I really don’t think I’m gonna dot dot dot
Fuck.
“I cant go on this way”- Beenie Sigel
I’m done.
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