The Truth of the Matter Is...This May Have to Come With A Disclaimer

The truth of the matter is I'm starting to wig out. Lose my nerve. Ronnie was right, I really am back at square one. And even though everyone keeps tellin' me that I'm rockin' the shit out of the new look, for some reason I'm still not convinced.
So Saturday was supposed to be a good day. And don't get me wrong, it was. It really was. A great dinner, lots of booze and fly women coming out of the wood work. What more could a brother ask for? Dreadlocked Lloyd would have been all over that muthafucka like an African fly on a piece of unattended meat. But not this one. Nope not “I just shaved my head, my skin is breaking out for some reason I cant really figure out, I really don't know what to say to these hoes; Lloyd”. No not him. He just sits in his chair and watches all the booty shaking from afar. From a safe distance. He wants to participate, show these niggas that he aint nobody to play around with, but at the same time he's like “fuck it. What do I get from pimpin these hoes anyway? Its not like I'm gonna bust a nut on any of them.”
and while trying to convince myself of this, the taste of beer now more than a little stale on my tongue, (it was like bottle 4 or 5 or 6 or whatever) I see someone who looks just like her. Looks like her, dresses like her, dances like her...it was pretty fucked up. mainly because I had managed to get to the point where I barely thought of her. And now this specter of her turns up, in some skRmpy blue thing (or was it green? I cant really remember...not that it really matters) and with the flick of a hip, like flipping a switch, initiates a program that has decided to call itself “Project: Miss Her”.
And before you say anything, no you don't have to worry, it aint full blown yet. Its like that AIDS shit, it takes some time to mature. All its managed to do so far is get me thinking about contacting her. But that wont be for another few days yet. And thats assuming I even decide to.
Raise your glasses boys because I'm about to make a toast.
“To all those girls who fuck with niggas heads (Alex, come on, raise that glass you know you're right up here with me...in fact it should be you giving this little speech)...FUCK YOU! We aint taking your shit no more. This is a new year and no matter how smackable that booty is, no matter how good your head is (and sweetie don't kid yourself; it aint that good) no matter how good people say we look together, no matter how much those niggas hate, bitches, enough is enough! We got too much on our damn minds already. All that other bullshit you bring along is unnecessary. Now say it with me boys: fuck dem bitches! (I see you Sam, stop fucking laughing cuz this aint no fucking joke and repeat after me) FUCK...DEM...BITCHES!!!!!
* sigh * Ok, now that Ive gotten that out of my system, maybe I can dish out a tirade on something else. 
Juss hold on and gimme a second...
Uh-huh, here we go...artificial insemination....
Ok, you know what? Fuck that. I aint gonna be able to do a tirade on that shit. Let me give this another try...
Pretty faces, pretty faces, pretty faces...i love dem pretty faces. But they can piss me off sometimes. Fuck that. They piss me off a lot. Whats up with girls with pretty faces? Did they all get together one day and decide that “hey, here's an idea, why don't we all be bitches?” and yes I can already hear all you naysayers but before you all open up your pie holes in protest, pause and really think about it. That's right, I can hear the wheels turning...pretty girls are bitches. And yes, I admit, there are exceptions to the rule, there always are. just not that many. Now girls, take a look at the girl on your left...now at the girl on your right...all three of you are bitches. The ones who arent bitches arent in the room...now what does that tell you?
Okay um, maybe I should stop here. I'm only fucking with you anyways. I don't really think pretty girls are bitches...not that many of them anyway. And for any bitches (oops!) I mean, ladies that I might have offended, let me offer you my sincere apologies...seeing as you're the same girls I'm gonna wanna bang come next weekend...it wouldnt be advisable to piss you off...
Am I right?