Finis: 32500 AM (goodnight)

I lie about a lot of things. To others and to myself. About big things and about things that I really have no reason to lie about. My tongue's gotten me into a lot of trouble over the years. But you know what the ironic thing is? I get in more trouble when I tell the truth than when I lie. Probably because when I do decide to tell the truth, I'm a little too truthful. But that being said, there are some things that I am incapable of lying about. Things that if I tried to, I would be, without a doubt, found out as soon as the words left my mouth. For example? Well, for example, I wouldn't be able to lie about the fact that I'll always feel something for (IN CAPITALS, bold, font 18 and even in italics- take a deep breath before you say it) HER. And no, I'm not talking about “M”, she's still “fresh meat”...that is to say that we are still in the first few minutes of the first half of the match, we still have a long way to go yet. I'm talking about “E”. yes, the once dreaded, now not so dreaded ex. That six foot tall, long legged beauty that whittled her way into my heart without a second thought.

She had a such impact on my life that it would be kind of ridiculous if I could lie about that...convincingly. She taught me how to love again...and how to hate. She gave me a reason to be passionate when I was at a time in my life when it was hard for me to be passionate about anything. Up until her, all my life had been was a cycle of parties, sexual conquests and torturous hangovers. I have a lot to thank her for. So thank you. And even though I'll always have a soft spot for her, as I sit here typing this, with each passing day she crosses my mind less and less. Her name no longer elicits that tug of the heart that it used to. She's no longer a common topic of conversation. I no longer have to restrain myself from calling her or sending her a message. Now its even a task to call her even when I have to. I guess thats kind of a good thing though. I mean it would be kind of unhealthy if I was still hung up on her after all this time, wouldn't it? In any case, that's enough about her. I'm supposed to be looking forwards, not back.

“M” called me about an hour ago. Or more accurately, she beeped and I called back. To her mother's phone. God forbid I make the mistake of trying to call her during the day. “M” doesn't have a phone you see. It was stolen a lil over a week ago. Which, quite obviously, has slowed this whole...whatever you want to call it to little more than a crawl. Not that I'm in a rush to go anywhere. I'm happy with the speed at which we're moving at actually. It evokes all the innocence of high school. When I was in high school. Hand holding, laughing at unfunny jokes, covert glances across the table that suggest well, something suggestive; a touch here, a touch there...nothing overtly sexual, kind of sweet. After all Ive seen, its kind of refreshing, this...slow burn of things.

I'm seeing her tomorrow. Well, technically, it's today seeing as its about five minutes to three in the morning but who's dwelling on technicalities here? I sure aint. And although it's not all that surprising, I'm like really excited that I'm going to see her. Not too much, but I think, just enough. So keep your fingers crossed because this just might be what I'm looking for...

I'm off to bed...

Nitey.