Memento (You Think You're Nickel Slick But I Got Your Penny Change)

I came across them almost by accident. Two Vcd's of music videos with her handwriting all over them. The last two thing I possess that connect me to her. That connect me to the past that I have with her. If I get rid of these, all I'll have left are memories. Memories, mind you, that are already starting to fade. Like her face whenever I try to picture it. The face of one year of my life, just slipping away. But in all honesty, most of me is relishing it. What Ive been asking for, for what seems like forever, is finally happening. But then on the flip side, theres this other part of me, the smaller part of me, that is still grasping at vapors, wanting to hold onto something. A kiss, a fight, a fuck...anything. But vapor is vapor and will soon become vapor no more. And the sooner you realize that (and by you, I mean I and by I, I mean that smaller part of me that just wont take a hint) the better. Soon the memories will be gone. Leaving room for you to store up some more memories. And leaving alone that other, smaller part of me, I'm actually kind of giddy about it. Its like when you've had a cold for so long that you forget what its like to not have a cold and then when you finally get over said cold its like “hey, what have I been missing?” yet all it is, is a restoration to how things are supposed to be. A heart light, a heart free, ready to cast my line with plenty of fish in the sea.
And so what of the Vcd's Lloyd? What will happen to them? Because remember, unlike memories, Cd's don't fade.
Well, I'll get rid of them of course. Thats the only reasonable course of action don't you think? I mean, holding onto them really wouldn't do me much good, would it?
I guess not.
Well then its settled.
I separate the two Vcd's from the rest of the stack. Allow myself a little smile. One is labeled “Baby L's videos” with a small smiley face with its smiley face flipped upside down turning it into a frowny face with tears streaming down it while the other was simply labeled as hers with a small “yippee” scrawled next to her name.
I try to use them to conjure up a memory or two. One final salute. But its useless. I come up with nothing. With nothing but vapors. Useless vapors.
“I guess this really is the end.” I mumble to myself. Then gripping both Vcd's I bend, bend, beeeeeeend them until finally they...(crack!) break.