Day 10: Follow Your Heart. Even Unto the Ends of the Earth

I sent her a message today. A pretty long one. And no, it wasn’t rash like the last one. In all honesty, it had been two months in the making. What finally tipped the scales in its favour, however, was waking up one morning with the realization that as fun as being single may seem, that wasn’t what I wanted. She was.

It took me almost an hour to write. To phrase properly. To make sure I said what I meant and I didn’t leave anything important out. Up to now, I still don’t know if I got it right.

But once I had sent it, once I had said my piece, I threw my phone under the nearest cushion and dove for cover. Because quite frankly, if I she was going to send a reply right there and right then, I didn’t want to read it. Not there and not then. Not when I had just taken out my heart, placed it in a box and mailed it to her…again.

I needn’t have been worried. She didn’t reply right there and then. In fact, she didn’t reply at all. That doesn’t have me worried though. I know she’s thinking about what I said. And I don’t blame her. I did lay it on pretty thick.

I told her that I still love her. That it doesn’t matter how many girls I meet or hit on or flirt with, she’s the only girl I want. That if an when she’s ready, if circumstances allow and if she still feels something, I will be waiting…I will be there.

I meant every single word of it. And even though the mere thought of how much I care about her scares me half way to hell, at the same time its so exhilarating it hurts.

Do I know for certain if she’ll reciprocate? No, of course not. But to me she’s worth the effort. She worth the wait. She’s worth the a thousand pounds of angst and anxiety that almost always comes with a love as complicated as ours has turned out to be.

I love her. And I’m done looking for ways to distract myself in an attempt to forget or change that. I’m going to be patient and I’m going to put in the time. And that, I have just realized, is my next step