I came in her mouth. It didn’t take very long. Beer has a tendency to do that to me. It caught both of us off guard.
Grabbing the disposable cup that lay on its side on the floor of the car, she spat into it. Then cracking a window, she threw it out.
Neither of us had any condoms and so I had had to do with the next best thing: getting sucked off in the backseat of my cousin's car.
I had known her for all of 21 hours.
Regress (to Sth); To return to an earlier or less advanced form or state.
- Regression; The process of regressing. e.g regression to an earlier stage of emotional development.
I remember writing once, that, "It's funny how we always become the things we most despise. "I’ve traveled down that road before, got lost along it. and i can tell you, its not the best of feelings...I don’t want to do it again. And yet with each passing moment, with every minute that passes, I feel myself being sucked back it.
"You cant change who you are..."
Maybe they were right all along. Maybe this is just who I am...
The tents came down today. And with them my self respect. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of this weekend. Hurt a lot of people. Took advantage of others.
She called me a playa. Told me that I had hurt her. And yet I STILL managed to get her into the backseat of that car. and after what was done was done, we went back inside and I completely ignored her. Pretended as if nothing had happened. Made sure i put as much space between her and myself as i could. And THEN proceeded to make moves with someone else completely.
My frame of mind at the time? Just because she sucked me off doesn’t mean i owe her anything. I'm single. I'm free. So what if I enjoy myself at the expense of someone else? And its not like she's an angel. She's made quite a name for herself. Did i tell you about the one where she gave some random guy head from underneath the table?
And so I worked the room. Including the gorgeous one with the infectious smile whose name i didn’t quite get and who came out of nowhere and started shaking that shit like it was going out town.I enjoyed myself. I really did. It would be hard for me to say that I didn’t.But as i sit here i cant help but wonder, at what cost? Is being "distracted" really worth destroying all the progress I have made?"Who says it was progress?" some people might ask. (and ronnie, dear boy, you know i'm talking about you)
"As far as I'M concerned, THIS, what i'm seeing right NOW is progress. Get your head right bruh."
And yet its not. Progress was being able to fall in love. Progress was being able to care about someone else besides myself. Progress was being willing to sacrifice anything and everything to hold onto that love...not this...this is not progress. This is driving backwards into a concrete wall. And who in their right mind drives backwards into a concrete wall? And so, with that in mind, hold on bub, because i intend to turn this bitch back around. and this time...i'm going to get it right.
No comments:
Post a Comment